DISCIPLINE!

Why does it seem so hard to become disciplined when you become an online writer? I've been creating and writing newsletters and in-house magazines for the past 40 odd years (yes - I certainly don't look my age, do I?), yet coming to grips with writing a regular blog seems to present me with obstacles.

So today I decided. Drat it - I'll pretend I know what I'm doing, and if I fall flat on my face, well so be it! There's only one thing to do if that happens, and that's to stagger back up on my feet, stand tall and try again.

Big Issues have been at the forefront of news for a long time but are increasingly rearing their heads in many insidious ways. Over the airways, the television, the printed newspapers and the internet. Most if not all, the references are that to be acceptable in today's society, you have to be slim, trim, and beautiful. That's a nice wish, but real life isn't so clearcut.

Whether that beauty is allowed to be natural is another matter, because the inference is that you will never be beautiful enough and if you want to be noticed and treated as "one of us", then you'll have to have WLS, stomach banding, botox, liposuction and the works. Noone tells us the risks involved in all these procedures - and there are some horrific stories around.

But I decided a long while ago that I would turn a deaf ear to people who tell me I "MUST" do this or that, and "MUST NOT' do other things. Who gives them the right to tell me what to do and how to live my life? Especially as I believe, as a mature aged woman, I have insights into life and its experiences that give me the right to choose for myself. That's why I agreed (if a little hesitantly at first) to speak to women's groups. When accepting speaking engagements with women's health and safety organisations, teenage school children as well as groups catering to the elderly being encouraged to stay in their own homes as long as possible, I've been humbled by the fact that they've taught me much more than I've been able to tell them.

Low self-esteem is as rife as it has ever been. And that is very sad taking into account the fact that countless motivators, facilitators and counsellors have set up their own businesses, and many are sponsored with government as well as corporate funding, and yet as just as many people as ever present as having no confidence.

You can't force people to be confident. That builds up a defence mechanism that prevents them from growing independent, and from you gaining their trust and allowing you to offer strategies to help them. What I'm not talking about are not fancy and outlandish strategies - I'm talking about simple, small steps in a journey of discovery.

It comes down to choice. And we should all enjoy fredom of choice, not matter what aspect it relates to in our life. Choice made on sound principles; choice that becomes a matter of judgement based on analysing the pros and cons of situations, and of people. If we make a bad choice, then we are intelligent enough to realise we have to accept responsibility for its outcome. We can't blame anyone else.

Discipline comes into the picture. It always does. Whether it's how much time you spend cleaning the house; attending lectures; at your desk; with your family and friends; picking up after the kids; doing what you want and what you have to do, it all comes down to disciplining yourself. The result is always rewarding, no matter what area of your life we're talking about.

I don't agree that to be acceptable we have to be slim, trim, svelte and "beautiful". Digital enhancements are everywhere - we need to be real people in a real world. If we were all the same - looked the same, were the same size and shape, the same colour, the same age, how boring the world would be!

It's up to us. We are, after all, our own best asset! With a bit of discipline and a desire to be allowed to be who we are and what we are, we can show the world (and us for that matter) that we know and we have made our choice!

Something Old, Something New!

It's funny how fashion sometimes goes full circle. And in doing so, it seldom occurs to us that maybe fashion of today is based (sometimes directly and sometimes loosely) on what we had as "fashion" decades ago.

For women of size, I always like to encourage them to think "positively", not only about how they live their lives but also their attitude towards themselves and how they look in the here and now (not waiting until they lose 20 lb!).

I met a young lass the other day who recently appeared on national television as a "collector". A collector of aprons. All sorts of designs, styles, and all sorts of fabrics. From hessian (heavily embroidered) to soft floating chiffon and muslin. There are florals, pastels, vivid stripes, spots, multi-coloureds, single colours; embellished (with sequins, beading, laces etc). Some with frills, some plain, even one of two Victorian styled aprons that covered our Great Grandma's ample bosums and came almost to ankle length (to protect the ankle length dresses she wore).

Then a couple of days ago one of my friends who is a member of a plus-size group, mentioned that she had asked about aprons during some of their discussions.

That got me thinking. Just why is it that we don't bring back "Aprons" as part of our life-style? It's not so old-fashioned when you think about it! Especially for the woman who wants to retain her femininity in today's' household - particularly the kitchen. They're not only "pretty", but they're practical! And who doesn't need something pretty occasionally to make us feel happy?

I meet a lot of women who strive for "equality" in today's workplace - they insist that they want to be treated equal in all things both in their career and in their home. Yet it surprises them at times when talking over how they lead their lives, to learn from other women that they enjoy their femininity within their life-styles, just as much as their "equality".

One very fine website where you can purchase a lovely range of aprons is http://www.stitchthrutime.com/apron.html

Size and Colour Do Matter!

My friend Valerie F of Launceston Tasmania wrote to me:

"Living, as I do, in the smallest State of Australia, I've grown up being told that we're the little bit added to the mainland. Well let me tell you, most of us Taswegians consider that's a fallacy - we're the Mainland, and the rest of Australia just happens to be north of us on the world map!

But getting back to size and colour. Were you ever told you shouldn't wear such and such a colour, because "well quite frankly dear, you're too fat!"

Or have you been told that because you're a size 20 then why do you expect to be able to buy a choice of clothes that fit you?

These comments have been made to me, and about me, too often.

I used to feel miserable because I couldn't buy anything to fit, and as for expecting to get anything sexy or colourful, well forget it, sister.

Over the years too I've managed to read some excellent books by women from around the world on how to increase self esteem, and many of them even gave examples of how I could dress to make the most of myself. For others, there's no doubt these books would have achieved what they set out to do. But for some reason they didn't work for me.

My cousin in South Australia sent me an old copy of an Australian newsletter dealing with plus-size self esteem issues. This newsletter presented news and advice on how to increase knowledge about yourself and knowledge of where to buy larger size clothes here in Australia. There's a lot available overseas, but we can't all afford to buy from overseas. And there's a lot of confusion about the safety/security of buying from places like eBay.

For some reason I kept that small newsletter. I put it away in my small bedside table drawer, and forgot about it.

Until. My partner walked out on me. I was plus-size when we met, and I hadn't gained weight all the time we were together. But suddenly I was thrown into turmoil and had to clean out the flat we had shared for more than 8 years. I had to face the fact that he no longer saw me as someone he'd like to spend his life with. Added to that of course I started along the route of self pity and self hate - if I wasn't so fat he wouldn't have left me - if I wasn't so fat he would still love me - if I wasn't so fat ..... Maybe if I lost the weight he'd come back. He won't, whatever I do. And quite honestly I don't him to.

I cleaned up the flat. I packed my cases and with a few small items of furniture I moved into a flat I could call my own. And one evening while feeling really sorry for myself, I rummaged through the bedside table looking for perhaps a block of chocolate that maybe I'd hidden there, and I pulled out that old newsletter.

I couldn't believe it. It was opened at a small article written by the editor to some of her friends who had all, without exception, experienced the same thing as I had. Their husbands/partners had recently walked out.

And this small article went on to say that we should never, ever, tell ourselves that it was because we were fat that this had happened; because these relationships would probably have broken down even if we were slender like Elle McPherson or Jennifer Hawkins.

If it was because we were fat, then why didn't the same thing occur with men? Women don't usually leave their husbands because they get fat, or get thin. The reason is usually much deeper than that.

You know, I needed to read that article. I needed to be told that I was me, and that I was important, if not to somebody else at the time, then definitely to me.

So I took the next step. I looked at my size and decided that I WOULD wear colours that I wanted to. I would search for clothes that make me feel good about myself. If I couldn't buy them anywhere, I'd sew them for myself

I decided I would turn the world around, so that MY size and colour WILL MATTER. What have I learned from all this? I've learned that I matter - to myself.

And as a footnote I'd like to say I've come to realise that I am just like thousands of other women. The fact that I'm bigger than "ideal" has nothing to do with me, as a person."

Beyond the Curve!

I can recall as a youngster, that Grandmothers used to pat us on the head and say to one another, "Isn't she a bonny wee one". Aunts would chuck us under the chin and smile and say, "A lovely, chubby, cuddly one."

Was my family so diferent to others? Or was I fortunate in knowing that to all the important women in my family, I was seen as "one of them", albeit in miniature. To the other one person in the family, my Dad, to whom I passionately wanted to be seen as "precious", alas this was not to be as he could never tolerate anyone who was "fat".

But then I started to grow up and went to school. Lots of the other children used to poke fun at me, laugh about my lack of co-ordination in many things (particularly running and PE, which meant doing exercises - ooooh, the memories of those sports bloomers!), and tease me mercilessly about buttons that popped open as my breasts formed; knees that were fatter than theirs, and tummy and hips that wobbled and just sat there like a mound of jelly.

I started to feel bad about myself. I told myself I'd never be any good at school, I'd never get a good job, I'd never find a boyfriend, I'd never get married, I'd never have children, and I'd grow old all by myself because no one would want me.

Many years passed and all of them were filled with guilt especially if I ate something that I really liked. People would look at me sideways and tell me that I shouldn't. I started at about ten years of age to seriously diet. That didn't do any good either, because I felt constantly hungry and worthless. All the time I put on more weight and grew fatter. The fact that I was growing taller as well didn't seem to occur to anyone! Coupled with that the fact that my Mum, Grandmas and Aunts were all fat too, didn't seem to connect with my lack of self-esteem.

It took me far too long to come to terms with the realisation that I was bigger than many others, but also I was much smaller than a lot of people, at the same age.

But it saddens me to see little girls of 5 years up, now thinking and talking about being "too fat" and that they should diet. I'm with those other women who are asking, hoping that someone will give us a rational answer, as to just where these little girls are getting this notion from?

Magazines and TV are two areas that I believe (with many others) should be made more responsible for their attitudes. They simply will not accept the fact that what they say and what they show, has an impact on the fertile minds of our young people. "No" they say, "readers or viewers can make up their own minds. We're not doing anything wrong." Excuse me!

Children are not getting this message from books they read or lessons they have at school. They certainly should not be getting the message from their Mums (though sadly this is often the case when Mum herself is in the body-self-loathing syndrome). We've got to stop this nonsense. Otherwise our children will suffer - not only physically but also emotionally.

Look at the film "Shrek". A fatter than ideal heroine, and a large, fat and to some, ungainly hero. But they accept each other as they are - not as they wish each other to be. They not only accept each other, but they love each other.

Isn't there a lesson here for all of us?